Your kids are going back to school. You’re going back to work. There are emails to respond to, responsibilities waiting for your attention, and a familiar rhythm to find again. You have a million tasks on your mind and don’t know where to begin.
After so many weeks of holidays and excitement, we are beginning a long stretch of everyday life. Before we get swept up in everything waiting for us, it is worth pausing to consider what we want to bring with us.
Beginning in אלול, we have spent weeks thinking about growth, change, and our connection to Hashem. Through ראש השנה, עשרת ימי תשובה, יום כיפור, סוכות, הושענא רבה, שמיני עצרת, and שמחת תורה, we have had opportunities to reflect, reconnect, and imagine what the coming year could look like.
We may be coming out of this season with real ambition. We want to be more present with our children, more connected to our spouse, more consistent in our learning and תפילות, or more thoughtful about how we respond when things become difficult.
There is something exciting about those possibilities. There can also be something overwhelming about having so much we want to accomplish.
And alongside the inspiration, these weeks may have shown us things we would rather not carry forward: tension in our marriage, discomfort around family, loneliness in social settings, or reactions that keep getting in the way of the relationships we want.
Both deserve our attention.
Why One More Day?
In his explanation of שמיני עצרת, רש״י describes a king who invites his children to a meal lasting several days. When it is time for them to leave, he asks:
“בָּנַי בְּבַקָּשָׁה מִכֶּם עַכְּבוּ עִמִּי עוֹד יוֹם אֶחָד, קָשָׁה עָלַי פְּרֵדַתְכֶם.”
“My children, please stay with Me one more day. Your departure is difficult for Me.”
The source is רש״י on ויקרא כ״ג:ל״ו.
That image raises a question: What does one more day accomplish? After that day, the children will still need to leave. Aren’t we simply postponing a difficult departure until tomorrow?
I would like to suggest a way of thinking about this.
After building so much connection over these weeks, perhaps we need a moment before returning to our regular lives to consider how we will carry that connection with us. A moment to gather ourselves, recalibrate, and make a plan.
What did this season awaken in us? What do we want to hold on to? How will it find a place in our actual schedules and relationships?
An extra day cannot keep us at the Yom Tov table forever. But it can change how we leave it.
Even now, as we return to our routines, we can make time for that pause.
Giving Our Ambitions a Place to Live
We may sincerely want to become more patient, more connected, or more consistent. But those hopes need to become something we can actually do.
“I want to be more present with my family” might become putting the phone away for the first ten minutes after coming home.
“I want a closer marriage” might become setting aside a few minutes in the evening to ask how the day felt, without immediately moving into logistics or problem-solving.
“I want to strengthen my connection to Hashem” might become choosing one part of תפילה to say with more attention, or setting a realistic time for learning.
This is the difference between a value and an action. The value gives us direction. The action gives us a way to live it.
Rather than trying to change everything at once, choose one or two things that matter most. Decide when they will happen and what will make them manageable. If the plan depends on having an unusually calm day, it may need adjusting.
There will be days when we miss what we intended to do. Those moments are worth responding to with honesty and flexibility. We can ask what got in the way, make an adjustment, and return to the practice.
Paying Attention to What Surfaced
The Yom Tov schedule also changes the conditions of daily life. There is more time together, more social interaction, more preparation, and often less predictable sleep and personal space.
In that setting, familiar patterns may become more noticeable.
Perhaps being around extended family brought back the feeling that you have to prove yourself. Perhaps you found yourself withdrawing at meals because you felt uncomfortable or out of place. Perhaps you and your spouse repeatedly got caught in the same argument, despite both wanting a meaningful Yom Tov.
As we return to the busyness of the week, it is easy to move past those experiences. Sometimes they settle once everyone has rested and regained a routine. Other times, they reveal something that deserves further attention.
A helpful place to begin is with curiosity:
What was happening inside me? What did I need? How did I express it? What happened between us next?
For example, feeling overwhelmed may come out as criticism. The person hearing the criticism may become defensive or pull away. That withdrawal can leave us feeling even more alone, leading us to push harder.
Understanding the pattern gives us something more useful to work with than deciding who started the argument.
We might be able to say, “I noticed that when I felt overwhelmed, I became sharp with you. What I really wanted was to feel that we were handling it together.”
That takes responsibility for our response while also making room for the need underneath it.
Making a Practical Plan
Before the rhythm of the week fills every available space, take a little time to identify two things: something you want to build, and something you want help changing.
For the first, choose one small action and give it a specific place in your week.
For the second, consider what kind of attention it needs. Is there a conversation you have been avoiding? A boundary that needs to be discussed? A recurring interaction you and your spouse could try to understand together?
You do not have to wait until an argument is happening to talk about it. A calmer moment may allow you to say, “I noticed something over Yom Tov that I would like us to work on.”
And if you keep finding yourselves in the same place, or if something feels difficult to understand or change on your own, reaching out for support can be part of the plan.
Bringing the Season With Us
We are heading into a stretch of work, school, family responsibilities, and ordinary days. בעזרת השם, it should be a fruitful and successful time for all of us.
The growth and connection of this season can find expression in those ordinary days: in the way we speak when we are tired, the attention we give to a relationship, the time we make for Hashem, and our willingness to address something that needs care.
Before we rush forward, we can take a moment to decide what we want to bring with us, what we want to work on, and what our next step will be.
That is where the integration begins.
Eli Portal, LCSW, works with individuals, couples, and families at Portal Psychotherapy in Woodmere and virtually. To inquire about a consultation, contact eli@portalpsychotherapypractice.com.
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